this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
