You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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