You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize