I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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