Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
