I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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