I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
