you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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