i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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