I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
