You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
