woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
