What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
false alarm, still single
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
