How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
