if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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