i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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