im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
