So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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