thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
