Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
