Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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