mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
