There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
