Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
