It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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