I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
