I'm really into asian looking animals
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
