You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
