hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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