Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
