When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
