if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
