you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
