Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
