I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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