Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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