you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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