...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
