i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
