so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
