all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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