but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize