well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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