he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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