i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
as a side note pls kill me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
