Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
