Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
