Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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