Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
