They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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