I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What a dumb baby whore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize