Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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