my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize