I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
