My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
