your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
