he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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