it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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