apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this beer tastes like vomit already
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
