I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
whose parrot is this?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
