yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His hands were made for my vagina.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
