oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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