I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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