i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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