Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
