I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
organizing the empties. That sober.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
