Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
