i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize