i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i think i just lost a toe
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