Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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