Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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