No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
